i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You did what with his pubic hair?
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