I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
