haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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