I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
operation have a gay friend backfired
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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