Girls should come with a carfax report
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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