I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize