dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You work out of a Hotel?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
