Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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