That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize