if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
