google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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