Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
