don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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