if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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