Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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