clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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