One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
