mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just invented taco cereal.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Please don't give away my fajitas
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