dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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