what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
