he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
