I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
