Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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