bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
