My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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