God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
