i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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