brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
