So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
