You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize