I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
