I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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