he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
