I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
