Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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