I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
