drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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