Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
