doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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