I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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