She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
