who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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