woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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