Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
