three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dignity is for republicans.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
