Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she pinky promised me she was 18
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
