I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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