Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
