Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Randomize