We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
