One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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