Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
