Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
