grandma shit on top of the toilet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize