Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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