I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
