Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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