Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
