So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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