Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
