My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
