Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize