dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
