I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
